So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
only you would photoshop your dick
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
