I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize