I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
