If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize