You can't special order awesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
