No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
did i walk over a car last night?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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