you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
