one word: firstdatebathroomanal
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
