The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
