I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
