Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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