We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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