CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
