this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
