Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had to cum in my sink.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
