fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
