I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
