either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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