Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
