omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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