ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
