Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
