We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
