I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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