you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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