If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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