i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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