Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
