it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
