I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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