I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
