I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
