sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
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