guys are not supposed to queef...right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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