You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
