i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
