We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
