Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He has the fingertips of a God
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
