im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
