someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
