please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
