If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
