it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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