I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
