I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
