I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
