and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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