Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
