I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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