We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
