What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
