ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize