I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
