New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
