Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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