Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
