Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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