Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
