yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i love accidental penises.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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