It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
