I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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