My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
