He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
