I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
