god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
you inspire me to be a worse person
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
