I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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