the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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