Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
