I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
