I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
