can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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