I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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