I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
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