grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
50% drunk capacity currently
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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