no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
