remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize