turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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