Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
