he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
and she was petting her beer can
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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