Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Randomize
