In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
