The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
