she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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