he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
