ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
