No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
