Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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