did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
