Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize