all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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